Steampunk!? What the hell is that!?

Happy Halloween, Clint.

Steampunk. I mean, honestly, I have no time for more social groups/genres! It was hard enough in high school to get all this stuff straight. Goth, emo, jock, prep, nerd, punk, stoner, mallrat, etc. All groups/genres I am familiar with. I understand that when you describe someone as "preppy" there will most likely be J. Crew involved (no problems with J. Crew though...corporate sponsor? no? okay, moving on...). However, at some point, these groups began to change. There was the emergence of the "nerdcore" movement. I still have no idea what that means, but I imagine that it looks something like the members of the band Harry and the Potters...or Napoleon Dynamite. Really, I guess I should have known that there would be newer and weirder groups to arise. Like the mythical hydra...remove one head, two spring up in its place.

I don't know what's more scary, the hydra or the tiny piece of cloth that stands between us and Hercules' "labors".

However, "steampunk" fascinates me. Firstly, because I hadn't heard of it until tonight, and secondly, because people are so into it. But what is "steampunk"? Like all children whose parents wanted them to be literate and therefore actually told them what a dictionary is and how to use it, I looked it up...on urbandictionary.com.

" 1. Steampunk is a subgenre of speculative fiction, usually set in an anachronistic Victorian or quasi-Victorian alternate history setting. It could be described by the slogan "What the past would look like if the future had happened sooner." It includes fiction with science fiction, fantasy or horror themes.

Medieval Steampunk: Speculative fiction set during the Middle Ages.
Victorian Steampunk: A modern Science Fiction work (post-1930s) that is set in the early parts of the industrial revolution.

Western Steampunk: Science fiction set in the American Old West.
Industrial/Modern Steampunk: Science fiction taking place in the late industrial age, early modern age; i.e. World War 1, World War 2

2. A lifestyle choice, wherein the participants embrace deliberate anachronism and quasi-anachronism as seen in steampunk fiction. Often characterized by modifying one's electronic gadgets to make them look a century out-of-date."

Thank you, urbandictionary.com. The idea is almost awesome. Why, yes, I do like to imagine that I'm a space cowboy...or even just living in an 19th century England that knew leaches were not good for you when you're sick. However, it gets a little more interesting when you read that second definition: "A lifestyle choice...embrace deliberate anachronism...make [gadgets] look a century out-of-date." ...WHAT!? I should say that the note after this definition said that there was a clear separation from "steampunk" and reenactors...mostly because reenactors have jobs. I'm kidding...reenactors don't have jobs. (haHA!)

Now, I'm really not sure that I'm against this (again, space cowboy). I mean, who doesn't love Firefly? Obviously you couldn't do this all the time, but I guess it's kinda like LARPing with a gun that is made out of clock parts. And honestly? It looks kinda cool...I mean, I totally would have been friends with these kids in high school (and probably now too...let's just get real with ourselves here). The thing that really gets me interested in this whole thing is the steampunk Star Wars movement. I mean, c'mon, you know how I feel about Star Wars.

I'm getting this tattooed on my back as we speak.

So I guess I should say that I'm sold. I mean, I'm not going to be donning a top hat and monocle, whilst hunting evil robots anytime soon. Let's look at what a nerdy young person could be doing: D&D? LARPing? World of Warcraft? All very much on the fringe...all kinda frowned upon by regular society. However, of all the things that are weird and out there...this one speaks to me. I mean...if I can mix Blade Runner and Rio Bravo how is that not awesome!? Yeah I can't think of any way either! So let's give the steampunks a chance...

PS - If you want more star wars steampunk stuff...look at Marcel E. Mercado's blog...That's where I got the cool Luke print.

All Hallow's (paganevilsatanisticbloody) Eve

Hello Tyler,

I'm not sure what the weather is like in Tennessee, but here in God's Country it's been abysmal (endlessly rainy). I suppose it's only good preparation for my semester in Dublin. I find the weather, as well as the approaching (evil and satanic) holiday fitting to the subject of my post however. I have become obsessed with scary movies.

As you know, my home in Tennessee is literally in the middle of the woods and looks like the setting for every single horror film ever made. Distant neighbors, dilapidated shacks, blood sucking vampires, it's got everything! So for the past 21 years of my life, I've never even come close to watching scary movies. The only "scary" movie I watched when I was a kid was Scream and that was because it was playing at a friend's house (in childhood, that's a scary movie). It wasn't until last Halloween that I actually began to embrace scary movies. I watched The Shining and fell in love. Not only did that film cement my love affair with Stanley Kubrick films, but it also put the thought in my head that maybe this whole scary movie thing ain't such a bad gig.

The other major contributor to my new obsession is my Folklore in Film class. That's right, I'm in a class that talks about urban legends and then we watch movies about zombies, ghosts and birthing the child of Satan (Rosemary's Baby). So this evening, I rented the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the remake of The Hills Have Eyes (having watched the original two nights ago). As of right now, my obsession with scary films is going strong, however, I'm thinking the true test of my fascination will be over Thanksgiving break when I return home and have to walk from my car to the front door in the middle of the night.

On another note, what are you doing for Halloween? I'm not sure yet, but I'm sure it will be something debaucherous and condemned in the eyes of Pat Robertson. Hey! Maybe I should be Pat Robertson? No... Too scary.

No Pants Tweets, Harrison Ford, and Nathan Fillion

Good evening, Clint.

I thought I would start with something for you, since the rest of this post will probably not really interest you at all. What, pray tell, is a "no pants tweet"? Is it just a tweet that was made in which you have no pants on? Can you be wearing shorts and make a "npt"? Can you call it a "npt"? I have questions. Well if it is, in fact, just a tweet in which you are sans pantalons...then this is a no pants blog post (npbp). You're welcome.

Can you imagine what it must be like to be Harrison Ford? You have played the President of the United States that kicks terrorists' asses, an adventure seeking archaeologist who has discovered the two greatest Judea-Christian artifacts that (may or may not have) ever existed, and, of course, a fortune-seeking smuggler with a heart of gold that was instrumental in toppling an evil and tyrannical empire (TWICE!). You're a bad ass. Bad. Ass.

BADDEST. ASS.

Finally, Nathan Fillion. Nathan Fillion is the best thing that has ever come out of Canada. EVER. I'm serious. I have now watched him in two different shows (Firefly and Castle) and also Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and the dude is just incredible. Anyway...enough gushing. Go watch the shows.

Like I said...funny.

I should probably say that I was originally going to talk about Joss Whedon...but I found this instead. I think that it probably sums up what watching Whedon shows is really like. Yeesh.

I think that this should probably do something to find out what kind of people read the blog...NERDFIGHTERS!

...huh?

...anybody?

...no?

Good talk.

A Tie? What are we European?

Good evening Tyler,

I promise my next post will not pertain to sports, but this one most certainly does. From the look of your team's performance, you are probably not in the best of moods to talk about fantasy football (Jeff killed you). I don't know if you've checked the league scoreboard, but my game against my good friend Stephen (known in our fantasy league as STL Rolodexes) has come to a bit of a stalemate.



As you can see from the screen capture above... It's a dead tie. I was trailing by a solid 30 points this morning, but after tonight's Philadelphia/Washington game, we're at a standstill. Let's just say, both of us are less than pleased. I need this win to take a commanding lead in first place (with the win I will be 5-2). Steve needs the win because well... His team sucks (sorry man). Call me ignorant or call me Donovan McNabb, but can you actually tie in fantasy football? To me, it just seems counterproductive to the whole idea of winning. I understand it in soccer and cherish that sport, but in American football? We play for keeps. I suppose the predictions box was actually true this time:



Just for my own sake, I'm going to rub it in Steve's face that he could have easily won this game:



As you can see, Steve should have played Vernon Davis instead of Tony Gonzalez. If he had done that he would have destroyed my team yesterday! Shame Steve... Real shame.

I'm hoping that this situation will right itself tomorrow morning when final points are decided, but if this game turns out to be a tie, I am going to be thoroughly pissed.

A Titanic Season Boys!

Good morning Tyler,

I haven't been up this early on a Friday in quite some time. As I sit in a lovely little cafe and enjoy my breakfast burrito and coffee (don't judge me), I can only think of one thing to blog about: where the hell did the Tennessee Titans go and who is wearing their uniforms on Sundays now? I mean seriously! 0-6? ZERO AND SIX?

Of course I guess it's only fair, this time last year we were 6-0 and were wondering, "Where the hell did the Tennessee Titans go and who is wearing their uniforms on Sundays now". But this time it just sucks. I wasn't terribly upset with the loss to the Steelers because technically we should have won and the overtime system in the NFL is a load of bullshit. Week 2, however, left me in complete shock. The Texans?! Is this a cruel joke? I was able to bounce back from that game because we do have the eventual slip up against them. I wasn't confident about the Jets game because I think Mark Sanchez is going to be a legendary quarterback and he's already proving me right. Then we had the Jaguars... I mean come on! It's the freaking Jacksonville Jaguars! They've dominated us like the jaguar population has dominated the greater Jacksonville metropolitan area! After that game, I am not ashamed to admit that my Titans jersey was stowed away in my under-the-bed-stow-away-device (I really wanted to say "stow away"). After 4 weeks of nothing but abysmal football playing, I honestly expected nothing from weeks 5 and 6 (Colts and Pats). And that's literally what I got from the Pats game... Nothing. Zero points scored.

At least for the first 5 weeks I was able to lightly push it off because the Chiefs still didn't have a win, but even they won! Now I can't even relate to my Chiefs friends, and I most certainly shall not associate with Rams fans. I refuse to drink that kool-aid. What surprises me even more is that the Washington Redskins head coach, Jim Zorn, is under more pressure from his general manager than any of our coaching staff for losing 4 games. At least you've won a couple games! Count your blessings Vinny Cerrato... COUNT THEM.

And so I go about my days here in Missouri, shyly admitting that I am a Titans fan. Last year? I was a proud Titans fan who could shove off any Rams fan's joke about the 34th Superbowl, but look at me now. Awake before noon and blogging in a cafe about the woes of being a sports fan from Nashville. The world is a cruel, cruel lover Tyler. And if there is one thing I want you to remember me saying, it is definitely that last sentence.


LenDale White, apparently in confusion, ran out onto the field yelling for the ball to be thrown to him. White showed up in full gear on a Thursday morning at the Indianapolis Colts's football stadium... This Sunday's game is in Nashville

STOLE YO COOKIES!!!

Good morning, Clint.

So...I was in the teacher workroom a moment ago. Often they have food out to be eaten by the teachers. This is usually a gift from a parent or one of the other teachers. Now as I look at this plate of cookies, I am confronted with a dilemma: How many do I take?

This is something that has always bothered me. The food is, most of the time, delicious. And I guess it should be noted that I usually have several cups of coffee for breakfast every morning. So come 3rd period (my planning period), I am starving! This is not just something limited to workroom cookies, though. This extends to basically anytime that someone offers you something.

For example, a paraphrased conversation between Amber and I at a wedding...

"That was really good..."

"Yeah, I know...I've never had that kind of BBQ before..."

"Really? Wow..."

"Yeah"

"..."

"..."

"...do you think we can get seconds?"

Do you see the problem? Something that is laid out for you, but the collective you...not just you personally. You're expected to take something from that plate or that bowl or whatever...it's almost an insult if you do not! I mean how would that parent/teacher feel if the cookies were all still there at the end of the day? But the issue is the line betwixt the grateful and the gluttonous (kinda like "the fast and the furious"...did you see what I did there? I know, I'm awesome). I don't want to be the guy that turns into Cookie Monster anytime anyone puts food out in the work room.

...that's good enough for me.

So, what's the rule on this? I'm going to call Raina this evening...but until then, I asked my 8th graders. Some choice quotes:

"Why does it matter...nobody knows who took the cookies..."

"Well why would you care about being polite..."

"Just leave one...why are you looking at me like that?"

...yeah.

So anyway, I just took two.

So yeah...I took two.

A Conversation at the Pearly Gates

Good afternoon Tyler,

Since we are facebook friends, you probably see my (almost) daily video posts. Typically, I peruse the internets searching for great live performances by either musicians I've been listening to or musicians I believe everyone needs to hear. Today, I posted a live performance by Bob Dylan. Yes, a classic live rendition by ol' Jack Frost of his timeless Like a Rolling Stone, performed in front of an angry mob booing him the whole way through. Watching the video got me thinking: would I have booed Dylan? Would I have been the one casting the stone? Would I have denied my Dylan three times before the rooster crowed? It's easy to look back on history and say, "No, I would never have booed Dylan. He was redefining our world!" But what about those people who did boo him and never got the chance to look back? Thus, I've imagined a conversation with Saint Peter and this unfortunate individual at the Pearly Gates.

ST PETER: Name?
UNFORTUNATE INDIVIDUAL: Um, Johnson. Marvin Johnson.
ST PETER: Alright Marvin, looks like you died of a MASSIVE coronary... Shoulda laid off that red meat my friend, but you probably didn't know about that. Yeah, that's still like two decades away.
MARVIN JOHNSON: So... Can I go in?
ST PETER: Well, first I have to go through some routine questions. Standard procedure really. So... love Jesus?
MARVIN JOHNSON: Yessir.
ST PETER: Went to church on Sundays and Wednesday nights?
MARVIN JOHNSON: Yessir.
ST PETER: Good, good. Reported any suspicious, Communist activity in your community?
MARVIN JOHNSON: No sir, I'm a Socialist.
ST PETER: Oh good! So is everyone else up here. Let's see... Oh yeah, did you read the Bible everyday?
MARVIN JOHNSON: Yessir, every mornin'.
ST PETER: Well Marvin, it looks like you passed with flying colors and you can head right in. Oh and don't freak out when you don't see "White" and "Colored" bathrooms... That's actually normal.
[Marvin starts walking towards the opening Pearly Gates]
ST PETER: Oh one last thing! Did you boo Dylan?
[Silence]
ST PETER: Exit is to your left and way. way. down. Get the heaven out.

WTWTA, Hipsters, and Twentysomethings...

Good morning, Clint.

So...let's begin with WTWTA. Firstly, I remember reading the book...but it was so damn long ago that there's no way I can remember the whole story. I remember liking the story and enjoying the pictures the most(what? don't give me that look...). But honestly, I don't really know how I feel about making classic books into movies...it's complicated. Either way, I think that I share you general "meh" about the film. But it does at the very least look cool...maybe too cool...more on that later. And yet your feelings on this movie seem to have nothing to do with this movie...and everything to do with the way it is being promoted and who it is being received best by. So let's look at that...

Just FYI...I'm about to ruin your day.

Yes, that's right. It's a "Max suit"...that costs $610. But don't worry, there's an entire line...I linked it above. ::heavy sigh:: My issues with this movie as it comes out are not so much related to my lack of attachment to the book or our mutual feeling of disgust toward hipsters...but a much broader feeling on the entertainment of twentysomethings.

Now, if you were to look at the popular movies with people our age recently, it's all about the stuff we liked as kids. Transformers. GI Joe. Hell, the Star Wars remakes! I'm just as guilty as all the other folks my age. I mean I heard a rumor that John Woo was going to direct a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and had to change my pants I was so excited. (I mean how would that be lame. Not. Possible.) I guess I understand it. We always get excited when something we loved in childhood or adolescence is going to be remade because you always wonder what it would be like if, say, Red Dawn (which is being remade, by the way) was made now. People will always go to those movies because they feel like they KNOW them. They think it will be a safe bet with their $15 movie ticket. And movie studios will always make them because they know it's a sure thing with moviegoers. I mean, Wes Anderson (Grand Vizier to the Hipster King, himself) is making a movie of Roald Dahl's The Fantastic Mr. Fox. I guess that I think the issue stems from the fact that people aren't willing to go out and see a "new" movie. There's no way to know if it's going to be good. I mean how else do you explain the online movie buzz community? You almost have to ruin the plot of a movie just to get people to be convinced that it's worth seeing! They have even started showing parts of the damn movies to sell them. That is almost 6 MINUTES OF THE MOVIE!!! Granted it's 2012, but I mean WOW.

As far as WTWTA is concerned, it's the same issue. I'm sure that Spike Jonze has always loved the book. Which he should. It's a great book. And he is a filmmaker...so yeah man. Make that movie. And I hope lots of people go, because entertainment is the whole effing point. But I would encourage him to do something new.

Miscellaneous notes:

-Aimee's point is so good that I need to quote it...

"Watch out Clint, the only thing more hipster (aka "WHITE") than going and supporting a hipster-based film, Is refusing to based on moral principals."

Touche ma'am. Touche.

-David Bowie is the Hipster King...obvi.

Where the Hipster Things Are

Good evening Tyler,

With the premiere of the new Spike Jonze film Where the Wild Things Are just hours away, I feel it only appropriate to express my feelings for the film. I don't care.

I never read the book as a child (gasps! oh the horror!) and don't really intend to read it now... Not that I'm better than it, but it's just... Not on my list. Since I never read the book, my desire to see the film is nowhere near as strong as the 20-somethings who did, and are now orgasming via twitter after every commercial.

Now, I am a film buff. I do love quality films, and this one does look like it was very well made. The problem I have with it? Hipsters. Now I may be a liberal, Barack-Obama-voting bastard, but one thing I do not like... is hipsters. I can tolerate them and I am friends with several, but holy shit, if this film gets any more hipster I'm going to start listening to Toby Keith just to even the playing field! Here's my reasoning:

-Every trailer has hipster music playing in the background (Arcade Fire, Karen O)
-The soundtrack? HIPSTERS!
-The plot? A child who can't connect with his parents explores the inner-depths of his mind and makes up funny/cute/cuddly/lovable monsters who are reflections of his own personality. Holy hipster Batman.
-The movie is just layered with hipsterness... And I won't stand for it!

Now, don't get me wrong, "hipster" is not always a bad term. Like I said, I am friends with hipsters and love them. But when you have 5 or more hipsters in one room, it's bad news bears. There are too many hipsters around if there are discussions of:
-Anything involving Nick Cave, Elliot Smith, or Built to Spill
-A "vintage tee" someone is wearing
-What kind of clove cigarettes one prefers
-Where the party host "keeps their vinyl"
-If the bar serves Pabst Blue Ribbon

The list goes on, but those are the most obvious and dangerous signs of hipsters afoot. So I caution you, oh WTWTA enthusiast to tread lightly as you view the film. Watch out for the hipsters who will undoubtedly flood every theater (or "cinema" as they may call them). If you are surrounded by 4 or more hipsters, make sure you keep your talk of firearms, ESPN and red meat to a dull roar... You don't want to anger the feeble-armed mob.

Photograph provided by Hipster or Gay.

Spellingista!

Good morning, Clint.

You can always tell when I'm at work because I use correct capitalization and punctuation. Which brings me to this morning's thought.

During the course of creating the blog yesterday, I spell "mustachioed" several different ways before I discovered the correct spelling. I always thought that it was spelled "moustachioed" but that apparently would only be the case if Mickey had a mustache a la Snidely Whiplash.

...which would be awesome.

I bring this up, because I'm always upset to discover words that I can't spell. You see, I kind of pride myself on spelling very well. I can almost always spell a word just by hearing it and sound out a word that I see. Take your last name, for instance. It's very easy to both spell and sound out. Yet people can't seem to do it for the life of them. I actually impressed your sister when I first met her (that was, by the way, the last time that happened) by pronouncing your family name correctly. My kids (and let me just clear this up now that when I say kids, I mean students) are impressed by this as well. Ah the glories of whiteboard fame...anyway, I was just pondering my spelling skillz. Yes, I meant to do that.

SIDE TRACK! - Oo! Can we have a standing rule that any time one of us uses skills we have to spell it with a z? I mean, think about it...

Last thought for the morning before I stop procrastinating and go do some actual work...the new Avett Brothers album is very pleasant. I can't say I think they're an incredible band...because I don't think that. However, I do think it's a fun band. And Rick Rubin produced this record, which really only means he granted his beard magic to hip, formerly indie banjo music. So check it out...if you feel like it. <----Most passive recommendation EVER.

We need a sign off...

The -ista Debate Rages On

Good evening Tyler,

It's interesting you should bring this up because I am a recovering "-ista" myself. Yes, I was once a slave to the man and his coffee addiction: I am a recovering Barista. This technically makes me an expert of the "bar", and I rocked. that. coffee. bar. Personally, I have no problem with the "-ista" suffix. I think it clarifies just how well-versed a person is in there specific field. Examples:

Person1: Just how good is this pilot?
Person2: Oh he's the best, he's an airplaneista.
Person1: Hm, I'll trust him with my life.

Person3: Now how good is the president at this whole running the country thing?
Person4: Oh he's the best, he's a presidentista.
Person3: Shame we didn't have one for the past 8 years...

See? It's a beautiful grammatical system that makes it clear to every man, woman and child just how qualified someone is to their title.

zombista...zombie-ista?

hey.
good afternoon, clint.
i hope you're having a pleasant sunday. especially considering i'm getting wailed on in fantasy football. anyway, i'd like to welcome you to tom selleck's moustache... as gross as that sounds. so here's my thought for the day.

so, i have been annoyed recently with the adding on of "-ista" to the end of everything (i.e. fashionista, footwearista, anythingtodowithlifetime-ista...etc.).


now, using my keen abilities of observation (and trust me, they are keen...), i have found that this means that you are someone who is into/obsessed with whatever comes before the "-ista". what is this magical suffix? when did i miss this magical grammatical rule?

there are a couple of things that bother me about this new colloquialism. mostly that it exists. but if it must exist then why does it not include ALL interests. it would seem that all "istas" are women concerned with their particular demographics. why not us? think of the possibilities!

a journalista.


a chucknorrista.


i mean...just think about it.