Things that Suck: The America! Edition

Good evening Tyler,

So I've been feeling a little blue lately... I'll admit, I'm homesick. However, I found a bit of a cure to this homesickness rather quickly. It came in the form of a chicken. Two chicken filets actually. Yes I am, of course, talking about KFC's new Double Down. A friend made a joke in-passing about it the other day and I thought it was simply a small fad like the Bacon Explosion (sooo 2009). Today I discovered that this was no joke. This is a real menu item available at all KFC chains in America. I'm at a loss of words.

I love that there are two options for the Double Down. Grilled or Crispy. As if one has a bit more dignity behind it. "Hello, I'll have the Double Down Grilled please." Oh he ordered the grilled one, he seems respectable.

This absurd concoction of chicken and American disregard for all things socially acceptable has actually helped deter my homesickness. It is now on the list of the things I do not look forward to coming home to... So naturally, I've thought up a list of other things I am not looking forward to seeing again. Consider this my "Things that Suck: The America! Edition"... Here it is:


Bush 04 and Palin 2012 stickers - I get annoyed seeing these even when visiting for breaks from Missouri. Of course, neither of those people are very popular over here. It'll be harder for me to bite my tongue now.


Jay Leno - I don't think I need to go through this again... he just sucks.


AM/PM - This sounds odd, but telling time by AM/PM is just silly. I've discovered that since my time over here. It doesn't take much time at all to get acclimated to reading "military" time and it's much easier to communicate. On all levels.


White people - Okay, this one is a stretch I know. Even though I am in a white-majority European country, they're just... different here. In America, you get the cliche overtly happy white people that are actually a little frightening. I think the Osteen couple are a perfect example of this terrifying demographic. The Irish and American white people do share something in common though: never make eye contact with them.


Independence Day on TBS - Now wait just one second! Before you all freak out on me and leave hateful comments, you have to understand my meaning. When I left, TBS probably showed Independence Day every 2 weeks. Even for the most obsessive Lord of the Rings or Star Wars nerd, watching a movie (at least) once every 2 weeks is a bit excessive. I know this because I was once that LOTR nerd (you can only say "LOTR" if you're a club member). I mean, sure it's an entertaining movie (and who doesn't love a black man that doesn't frighten the group in my last bullet point), but c'mon Ted Turner! Get the rights to something else please, and something that isn't a Jennifer Lopez movie or another Family Guy season.


Cops - I had a run-in with the law before I left for Ireland and I'm not looking forward to living in fear once again. Over here, the cops are... Chill. Sure, they do their job and if you're breaking the law you're gonna get in trouble... But they're not douche bags. I actually saw an officer and (I'm pretty sure) a police chief posing for photographs on St. Patty's Day... They even let the drunkards wear their hats! That's a police force I can get behind.

Well, I feel much better now. That little list did the trick. See y'all in 3 weeks!