Confession Time

Good afternoon Tyler,

I hope the final weeks of the semester are treating you well. I've got plenty of downtime, as usual, here in Dublin so I decided another confession is in order.

-Despite John McCain's sacrifices, I still giggle when he gives two thumbs up.
-I remove anyone from my Facebook newsfeed that changes their status to something extremely vague and/or unarguably emo. (i.e. 'it could have been so much', '37 days!!1', etc)
-The Red Hot Chili Peppers's 'Stadium Arcadium' album is one of the worst purchases I've ever made.
-The Smashing Pumpkins's 'Zeitgesit' is the worst purchase I've ever made.
-The number one thing I am most excited about doing when I get back to America is seeing 'Hot Tub Time Machine'.
-'Ghost Adventures' is one of my favorite TV shows.
-I also love 'Frasier' and I don't understand people who don't like it.
-People who say, 'You would like Frasier' immediately make my black list.
-My black list includes Dick Cheney, Sinbad and U2 from 1994 to 2001.
-As much as I despise Disney, I will voluntarily watch Aladdin if I stumble across it on the television (I think it's a heritage thing).
-I have always confused Ethan Hawke and Edward Norton... What? It's not like one's acting career stands out from the other?
-I've secretly always wanted to go to Broadway in Nashville and buy a cowboy hat and boots and then go to the Wild Horse Saloon.
-That last bullet point was a subtle hint for a summer activity.
-When I worked at Starbucks, I would set up the 'impulse buy' products and immediately become the store's biggest sucker. I was my own worst enemy.
-'I was my own worst enemy' is the kind of Facebook status I'm talking about.

in which I discover my true calling in the "blogosphere" and discuss YA literature

Good morning, Clint.

I have decided that my role in this whole blog...thing...is that I will make lists. I'm very good at lists and I think that if you take a look at the collection (albeit small) of my posts they're basically lists anyway. You have your things that suck and the confessional (which I would like to take part in as well because that is fairly entertaining)...I will have my lists.

Today, my dear brother, I would like to speak to you about young adult literature (henceforth, it will be referred to as YA). Now, before you totally turn off your interest in this particular post, I think that it is a legitimate subject and one that is especially dear to my heart. So what is YA literature? As I've come to understand it, it is basically any piece of writing that is aimed at about 13-18 year old readers. Amber, I'm sure, will disagree with the age range, but I will most likely focus on this age range of books anyway. There are so many good ones to choose, but I have decided that I'm going to give you a list of 5. These are my favorites as a middle school lit teacher and as an adult who reads YA books because they're really good...(confession).

5. The Redwall Series

Yeah, those are rats...and that mouse is definitely holding a sword.

If you are a boy under the age of like...35 you've probably read the Redwall books. Or at least heard of them. Yes, it involves talking animals. Yes, they fight with swords. No, it is not stupid! These books basically allowed me to fall in love with literature. It's why I read now, and why I have a great time teaching lit when I get the chance. As a slightly...let's be honest, ridiculously dorky 6th grader, I think I read every single one of these books that had come out. It actually led me to read Watership Down and later on, Lord of the Rings. The other reason I love these books is because of the world that it created. It was totally and absolutely fake. Which meant that for the first time, I had to imagine what it looked like, sounded like, tasted like...Brian Jacques (the author) does a really good job of describing the feasts. I was able to really experience Redwall Abbey and the forests and areas surrounding it (which was really nice, considering I had no friends and lived in a desert). More and more I am concerned my students don't have imaginations. They don't read, they don't play pretend, they don't even build forts. They just shoot each other on call of duty, go to football/basketball/soccer practice, and then go to bed. It's a tragedy! Books like these create imaginations. Albert Einstein was famous for using his imagination. He came up with his idea that space was curved in one of his, what he called, "thought experiments" which were essentially day dreaming. Imagination creates things. It's so important to our future that kids imagine and day dream! Einstein said, "Imagination is more important that knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the whole world and all there will ever be to know and understand."

Certainly used his imagination thinking this was flattering...

4. The Larry Series

Black nail polish...always a good sign in YA

There are three books in this series and I have read two of them. I taught them last year and it was great, but there is such thing as Larry overkill and I had to take a break after putting both under the microscope in Lit. This is the kind of high school book that I wish that I had when I was there. It's about smart kids, consumerism, activism, and the whole "one person can change the world" thing that is about as cliché as you can get. However, it does it in such a way that is thoughtful, humorous, and even though I almost totally disagree with this characters opinions...I liked him! The character manages to do something that almost every single public figure & politician tries to pull off everyday but fails miserably: share an opinion without getting preachy. It's unbelievable. Later on, it also tackles things like the consequences of becoming "involved" with friends romantically (in a that's-what-she-said kind of way). Like most issues in the book, it's handled in a classy, understanding way (you want to, I know...and you're going to like it at the moment...but this is what happens). But probably one of my favorite things about the book is the way that it paints adults. They aren't static characters. They're not the evil principal or teacher, or the evil cop that won't let them skateboard in front of the mall. I appreciate that Janet Tashjian (the author) wants kids to see that adults are always growing and changing as well. Larry's step dad, for instance, is a big time ad agency/marketing guy who decides that he has lost himself in his career and becomes a house painter to get his life back together. The second book in the series is about a presidential campaign...which politically, makes me want to hurl...but has some interesting lessons about the mandate of the people and constitutional laws. All things together, Larry has some interesting things to say in an interesting way. I finished the books in about a day.

3. The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games is like 1984 for teenagers. I say that because I don't think 1984 is for teenagers...or anybody for that matter (but that's a confession and another post). So, yeah, it's a dystopian novel...so let's go down the dystopian novel check list: set in the future? check. something that resembles a current western world power? check. oppressive government that has no problem with "making people disappear"? check. idealistic young person who quietly questions said oppressive government? check. children having to fight to the death each year for the entertainment of the masses? che-wait what!? That's right. Welcome to the Hunger Games. Each year one boy and one girl are selected from each of the districts to fight to the last for the entertainment of the masses and as punishment for a previous rebellion against the government. Think of it as American Idol but instead of getting a record deal and platoon of paparazzi for losing, Clay Aiken actually is shot by a poison dart and Reuben Studdard stands victorious!

Lethal.

While this would certainly liven up TV on Tuesday nights, this clearly creates a lot of strain on the relationships between the districts and the government. The book does a really great job of hiding a lot of political commentary inside of an action packed novel. It's a fast read and even though the main character is a girl, the 8th grade guys love it. I had even planned to use it as my summer reading before I taught Civics. I was going to talk about rights and privileges as citizens and why we guard certain values so highly in a democratic republic...but then we got a job in Saudi and I have no idea what kinds of things I can ask my kids to read. Hunger Games actually is pretty controversial just because kids get murdered by other kids...but then again...so was Lord of the Flies. Which reminds me...

2. The Maze Runner

The Maze Runner basically takes the ideas behind The Lord of the Flies and adds a whole other sci-fi futuristic twist to it. I think I would actually let this book join Ender's Game in the blew my mind category as the twist at the end of each book leaves your head spinning. This book is violent, thoughtful, and engrossing. For much of the book, there are no girls and the boys are trapped in a maze which changes every day. They are trying to get out of the maze, but in the process have had to build a society complete with a government and everything. This is probably the most interesting part of the book. The way that the boys create this society makes sense if you've ever lived on a cul-de-sac with other kids (sorry, Clint). It's exactly what I would do if I was a teenage boy in a situation like that. Anyway, I would totally spoil it for you, but I think you might actually read some of these so I don't want to do that. But suffice it to say, that this book makes you try and figure out the ending from the beginning...but it stays pretty well hidden until late in the book.

1. Pretty much anything by John Green...but my personal favorite is Looking for Alaska

There's a lot to this book. I mean, a LOT. As most John Green books do, it starts out mostly pretty funny...kinda dark humor, but funny all the same. The main character is obsessed with the last words of famous people. Long story short though, the characters in the book experience everything that high schoolers experience: anger, love, lust, loss, strawberry wine, vodka and milk, and a plethora of cigarettes. It's pretty much exactly the way that I spent high school...(kinda...okay not really). But the way that Green talks about a couple of issues makes me really kind of impressed. I mean how do you eloquently express the way that you feel about the first love...or the first lust? I think one of the things that is conveyed is that you kind of don't need to. First love feels perfect...poetic...and that's the way that it is written. But first lust is different. It feels awkward. It feels strange and cumbersome...and there is no attempt to hide this or glamorize lust in any way. It is what it is and that is how it is written. Awesome. It is also interesting the way that while the kids are dealing with loss, they are dealing with growing up. It's no coincidence that the main character is obsessed with famous people's last words and there is a constant existential conflict going on within the main character. However cliché this sounds, it results in a kind of understanding that they're just kids and they have a lot to learn and do. As you might imagine...I'm for this. All in all, I finished the book and...

boom goes the dynamite.

So there you have it. Read 'em.

Clint, until next time...

Things that Suck: The America! Edition

Good evening Tyler,

So I've been feeling a little blue lately... I'll admit, I'm homesick. However, I found a bit of a cure to this homesickness rather quickly. It came in the form of a chicken. Two chicken filets actually. Yes I am, of course, talking about KFC's new Double Down. A friend made a joke in-passing about it the other day and I thought it was simply a small fad like the Bacon Explosion (sooo 2009). Today I discovered that this was no joke. This is a real menu item available at all KFC chains in America. I'm at a loss of words.

I love that there are two options for the Double Down. Grilled or Crispy. As if one has a bit more dignity behind it. "Hello, I'll have the Double Down Grilled please." Oh he ordered the grilled one, he seems respectable.

This absurd concoction of chicken and American disregard for all things socially acceptable has actually helped deter my homesickness. It is now on the list of the things I do not look forward to coming home to... So naturally, I've thought up a list of other things I am not looking forward to seeing again. Consider this my "Things that Suck: The America! Edition"... Here it is:


Bush 04 and Palin 2012 stickers - I get annoyed seeing these even when visiting for breaks from Missouri. Of course, neither of those people are very popular over here. It'll be harder for me to bite my tongue now.


Jay Leno - I don't think I need to go through this again... he just sucks.


AM/PM - This sounds odd, but telling time by AM/PM is just silly. I've discovered that since my time over here. It doesn't take much time at all to get acclimated to reading "military" time and it's much easier to communicate. On all levels.


White people - Okay, this one is a stretch I know. Even though I am in a white-majority European country, they're just... different here. In America, you get the cliche overtly happy white people that are actually a little frightening. I think the Osteen couple are a perfect example of this terrifying demographic. The Irish and American white people do share something in common though: never make eye contact with them.


Independence Day on TBS - Now wait just one second! Before you all freak out on me and leave hateful comments, you have to understand my meaning. When I left, TBS probably showed Independence Day every 2 weeks. Even for the most obsessive Lord of the Rings or Star Wars nerd, watching a movie (at least) once every 2 weeks is a bit excessive. I know this because I was once that LOTR nerd (you can only say "LOTR" if you're a club member). I mean, sure it's an entertaining movie (and who doesn't love a black man that doesn't frighten the group in my last bullet point), but c'mon Ted Turner! Get the rights to something else please, and something that isn't a Jennifer Lopez movie or another Family Guy season.


Cops - I had a run-in with the law before I left for Ireland and I'm not looking forward to living in fear once again. Over here, the cops are... Chill. Sure, they do their job and if you're breaking the law you're gonna get in trouble... But they're not douche bags. I actually saw an officer and (I'm pretty sure) a police chief posing for photographs on St. Patty's Day... They even let the drunkards wear their hats! That's a police force I can get behind.

Well, I feel much better now. That little list did the trick. See y'all in 3 weeks!

Confession Time

Good evening Tyler,

As I look out my window onto an oddly colored sky in Dublin (stupid Iceland and its volcano), I can't help but think of my transgressions. I've conjured up another list of confessions for the confession booth, hope you enjoy.

-I don't find The Onion funny.
-I hate orange chocolate, I think it's cheap and distasteful.
-I think Gatorade flavors that include the word "glacier" are even cheaper and more distasteful.
-Orange Gatorade is my favorite.
-English accents kind of make me nauseous.
-I immediately lower my standards for anyone who says they enjoy the television show "Heroes".
-I think testing for all illnesses should involve peeing on some sort of stick, like a pregnancy test. "Oh man, I have strep!"
-Godfather Part 3 was a cinematic masterpiece.
-Drinking Miller High Life out of a glass bottle actually makes me feel more sophisticated.
-I once bought a 12 dollar pair of socks.
-I prefer wearing those socks when drinking Miller High Life out of glass bottles.
-Until the age of nine, I thought Chicago was its own state.
-I hold firmly to the belief that Reese's Cups are vastly superior to Reese's Pieces, and mildly hold a grudge towards E.T. for giving Pieces its second chance.

Boots in Asses: It's just American.

Good evening Tyler,

After my recent excursion to Paris and my time here in Dublin, I've come to a conclusion: I'm ready for some America. I'm heading back to the states on May 13th, and the timing could not be better. I don't know anywhere else I'd rather be than America in the summer. America in the summer is just awesome, especially in the South. You can't find more patriotism than in the South in the summer. My second favorite holiday, July 4th, is quickly approaching and I cannot wait to drink beer, eat burgers and blow shit up. There simply is no greater way of celebrating the birth of the greatest nation on the face of the planet. That being said, I've now got a list (as I usually do) of things that I miss from America/intend to take full advantage of upon my return. Here goes nothin:


1. Tasty American beer - Visions of PBR, High Life, Boulevard Wheat and Blue Moon have all been dancing in my head for the past few weeks. Don't get me wrong, I love Guinness but after a while, y'just gotta have an ice cold ale/lager. And it tastes even better on a scalding, humid day in the Tennessee backwoods with good friends and good food. And that's right, I mentioned PBR and Miller High Life... Beer orientation is not a choice.


2. American beaches - See the thing about the beaches in Dublin is... You don't go in them, you just look at them. The summer highs in Dublin are usually in the 60s, maybe 70s. This doesn't help the water temperature. I'm ready to relax on a South Carolina beach again and listen to some Allman Brothers.


3. Baseball - The season has just begun so I haven't missed much luckily, but I haven't been able to catch a game yet. I love the Braves and can't wait to watch a few Saturday afternoon games. Maybe even take a roadtrip to ATL for a game? Let's make it happen.


4. American dollars - As useless as these little suckers have become lately, I miss having dollar bills. All this European money is different sizes and color coded, which isn't exactly helpful to a colorblind kid. And don't forget the smell of a fresh dollar bill. Also, it'll be nice to actually withdraw money from an ATM and not receive a 5 dollar transaction fee!


5. Driving on the right side of the road - So, while I was in Paris I was actually confused as to why we were driving on the right side of the road. I've been in Dublin so long that driving on the left side of the road has become normal to me. This is simply ridiculous. It'll take me some getting used to, but I'll be back to my right sided ways in no time.


6. Street buskers that actually play good music - My last day in Paris included an American street busker (pictured above) who played some sick blues on a resonator and harmonica on the Metro. It was so nice to hear some good music being played again from a busker because the majority of buskers in Dublin suck. There are lots of teenagers who grab their acoustic and play Oasis and shitty Europop bands all night. Then there are actual bands that bring an entire stage with them and sound like generic Kings of Leon ripoffs. I can't wait to walk the streets of Nashville again and hear mandolin pluckin.

So there it is, the things I miss most/can't wait to utilize again. I love Dublin and I love Paris even more, but America just has that certain something that I'll always love more. See ya soon.

P.S. I know your students have recently found the blog and I know my posts are always riddled with profanity, but my logic is that they probably won't read my posts. Or at least not read the entire thing so hey, who gives a shit? Right?

in which i confess my love of alternative histories

Good evening, Clint.

It seems I will be posting first this week because, as you put it..."I'm in Paris. What do you think?" So, on my way home from my brother's wedding this weekend in Las Vegas I purchased a book: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. It was written by the same guy who wrote (rewrote?) Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (Seth Graeme-Smith). Without giving anything away, because you WILL want to read it, it is exactly what it sounds like...the adventures of Abraham Lincoln hunting vampires.

Presumably with the help of his steam punk brethren.

I absolutely devoured the book in the span of about a day and a half. It was a quick, engrossing read that I found myself totally wrapped up in. As I sat the book down earlier tonight, I realized something about myself that is both awesome and totally nerdy. I love alternative histories. I love everything about them. Especially when the author or creator pays attention to details. Great alternative histories are always slightly believable...even possible. I should note that I realize that vampires do not exist (that one's worth watching...if just for the ridiculousness), nor do zombies. However, it's the world that is created by these people is just so intriguing! So I have decided to list my favorite alternative histories for you today.

SIDEBAR: I don't really like to do the whole spoiler thing, but I also want to for real discuss these movies/video games/novels. So...if you don't want to be surprised, don't read them.

1. Inglourious Basterds

I love this movie. Tarantino has tension down to a science. That being said, this whole thing is incredible to me because I didn't know that it was going to be an alternate history. I had no idea the ending would go the way that it would. Literally up to the moment the movie ended, I kept wondering how they were going to finish the movie in keeping with the historical events surrounding them and then...BOOM! U turn. So epic. I mean basically cutting off the head of Hitler with a machine gun was a stroke of genius. Also, the idea of a group of commandos doing horrible things to Nazis appeals to my violent, vengeful, teenage boy side. Which is there (hence the video games). There are some interesting actual operations in Germany that are interesting...like Operation Cornflakes (which is real according to Wikipedia). This consists of blowing up a train full of mail and then dropping propaganda into the bombed out train and tricking the German mail service into delivering said propaganda which was disguised as German mail. Awesome.

2. Assassin's Creed (1 & 2)

And boom goes the dynamite.

So, video game jokes aside...this is actually an awesome story. Ever since the whole Dan Brown magical mythtery tour (that's right, mythtery) people have had a fascination with conspiracy theories involving the Knights Templar. I have strong opinions about the whole DaVinci Code/Angels & Demons thing, but that's a post for another time. The story of Assassin's Creed involves Templars as well, but this time it's more palatable...at least for me. The stage is set in the middle of the Crusades where there is a hidden battle going on between two actual groups in the Holy Land at that time: the Knights Templar and the Hashashin. This you know, but the actual setting of the story is the near future where the war between the Templars and the "Assassins" as they are now called is still going on. There's all sorts of awesome historical connections they make and actually bring some real people into the story. The first game is kinda weak on the historical side of things and they overlook a couple of things (like giving King Richard the Lionheart a French accent...). However, the second game does a really great job of incorporating really awesome little facts, like placing Leonardo DaVinci in Venice, Florence, and Milan at certain points in his life. Also cool are the things that they describe happening because of these things called "pieces of Eden". These are shown as powerful instruments that can give aid to those who use them...it's the orb that Queen Elizabeth I holds in her portrait, it's the sword that Joan of Arc carried into battle, the staff that Moses carries, etc. It is always intriguing to envision a world that was shaped by some kind of mysterious force acting through powerful objects and all that (hence the Indiana Jones movies) and the idea of some kind of secret war between two ancient groups has always fascinated us (hence the Underworld movies). You really need to make sure that you play the games to understand the whole story (or you could just read the Wikipedia article). I recommend the game.

3. World War Z & The Zombie Survival Guide

But more so World War Z. This is the single greatest novel I have ever read. From the structure of the interviews to the different voices that he is able to give his characters...just fantastic. The idea behind the novel is that there has been an earth shattering Zombie uprising that has almost annihilated the entire planet. A reporter has been sent to try and get as many people's stories and opinions on the struggle as he can. The result is a depiction of an epidemic that consumes humanity and hope and then the struggle to regain that hope and defeat the evil that has almost destroyed the world. The way that it is written makes it easy to accept that this happened 5 years ago...that we are still cleaning up and healing from this near apocalypse. Through this examination of the zombie war, he is able to capture humanity almost perfectly. The fear, pride, strength, and foolishness that we all possess becomes the canvas on which he can paint his masterpiece. When you get back from Ireland, you are reading this book and we are talking about it. The guy that directed Quantum of Solace is directing the film version. I'm tempted to never see it because I love the book so much...but I probably will...because of this concept art...

"I repeat, damaging the brain or removing the head..."

Just what I was thinking about...

PS-Clint you only have a short while before I will inflict punishment on you...and I don't think you want to know what that punishment will be.

The Confessional Booth

Good morning Tyler,

First, let's address your question: who is my favorite photographer and a specific image they produced. I don't hold it against you, but I hate this question. There are so many amazing photographers out there, and I'm always discovering new ones. It's difficult to decide. For a long time it was Annie Leibovitz, but then she decided to stop making good images. I believe, of the "legendary" photographers, my favorite would have to be Richard Avedon. This man captured the essence of beauty, reality, truth and was a master of the art. My favorite photograph that he produced is, currently, this one:


Not only because this photo is absolutely beautiful, but because the story behind it reminds me that Avedon was no more human than I am and was always struggling with the craft. Avedon took this photo, it shook the fashion world, and Avedon was not pleased. He claimed that the photo was ruined because the woman's white sash should have been flowing the other direction (to our right). The photo reminds me that, even in the most beautiful image there is always room for improvement.

Now for your question, sir: you're allowed to watch only Spongebob Squarepants episodes for an entire year or listen to only Avril Lavigne albums for 8 months, which would you choose? Explain.

And finally, I've decided to start a new string of posts that, I think, will keep our readers entertained and also make me sound like a complete fool. With this post, I will list things that people do not know about me or I have done my damnedest to conceal from general knowledge. So here it goes, my first confession:

-I have no idea what the plot of Fiddler on the Roof is... I know it involves Jews.
-I still cannot successfully say the phrase, "6 in 1, half dozen in the other."
-It took me a few years to actually figure out what that phrase meant.
-I don't know the rules of basketball.
-I hate it when people send me YouTube videos and tell me I "have to watch this."
-I hate Twitter with every fiber of my being.
-I am addicted to Twitter.
-I have a socially destructive fear of clowns.
-I found Little Miss Sunshine annoyingly proud of itself.
-The first CDs I ever owned were the Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys.
-I once did not shower for 6 days straight.
-I used teeth whitening strips when I was 16... I don't regret it.
-When I worked at Chicken Nick's, I would talk to the Mexican cooks with a Mexican accent. It didn't help.
-I got up at 4 am and waited in line for the iPhone 3G in 2008.

Forgive me friends, I made a fool of myself.

Time's Up, Let's Do This...

Good evening, Clint.

I figured that you would hate that question. I view the "what's your favorite time period of history" question the same way. Ah well...I like that image a lot though, so well done. Now for the important stuff.

Let me answer your question with another question: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Sponge. Bob. Square. Pants.

That's right. I would rather watch nothing but Spongebob Squarepants (who shall be called SBSP for the remainder of the post) for an entire year than listen to nothing but Avril Lavigne for 8 months. This says two things about me: a. how much I hate Avril Lavigne and b. how much more I care about music than TV. I would so much rather be sitting listening to my favorite music and reading a book or sitting on the internet than watching TV. On the other hand, I also really enjoy TV. And I should probably begin the confessions by saying that I do, in fact, enjoy SBSP. I like the theme song (which you probably didn't look at even though I linked it) which is delightfully catchy. I think that the silly stupid humor reminds me of "Ren and Stimpy" which I thought was, again, silly and stupid. You know me pretty well and just trust me, SBSP is just my style. In case you were wondering what the whole deal is...check out the SBSP movie...on whose soundtrack you will find music by such hipstars as Wilco, the Flaming Lips, Motorhead, and, your favorite, Ween. So all in all, easy choice. Thanks for that one.

And now about your confessionals...

Sorry, not the dashboard kind...

I wasn't sure if you wanted me to confess as well...so I'll just comment on some of yours and maybe admit some as well...

Fiddler on the Roof is a great musical and I suggest that you do go and watch it at some point. If you don't care for musicals (and you don't seem like the kind that would) here's the wikipedia entry on the film version. I personally love it. But that leads to my first confession...I love musicals and show tunes. But is that really a surprise to anyone?

As for the saying...you know that your dad can't do that either. It's mildly hilarious. "When in Rome..."

I understand hating the whole youtube thing. I rarely do that when people suggest things for me. On a related note, I never listen to music that people suggest for me. I don't really know why, I just can't for some reason...I have some thing about finding it on my own.

I still know all the words to Backstreet Boys songs...never owned the cds, but I knew all the words. *sigh*

Lastly, I have never understood the standing in a huge line at a God-awful hour to spend an unbelievable amount of money. Whether it's concert tickets or Harry Potter or the Jesus phone, I'm just not that excited about anything. I mean I waited for a couple of YEARS for Modern Warfare 2, and I didn't go to the midnight release, I just bought it when I had a minute. So yeah...can't really agree with you there. (Yeah, yeah...I love video games...a little too much).

So let me know if you want me to take part in the embarrassment as well or whatever...also, I got a haircut that requires gel in its upkeep. Too much? I'll stop.

I realize that we have much to talk about, Clint. Let's do that.

Mr. Sulu...take us in.