Things That Do Not Suck: Late Twenties Edition

Good morning, Clint.

It probably is a good morning for you...given the absolute destruction of my Echo Base Tauntauns at the hands of your Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. This just about says it all...

Very sad.

And yet, it is a new day, a new week, and yes, for me, a new year. Which got me thinking about things that have not sucked my entire life (prepare yourself for an overly sentimental post). So here is my top five things that did not suck as I was growing up. Note: things that formerly did not suck...may in fact suck now. Consider yourself warned.

5. Cartoons

I spent a lot of time watching cartoons. Like...a LOT of time. They have informed basically everything about what I think is funny, impossible, and socially acceptable all at the same time. And surprisingly I find that I learned a lot of stuff from cartoons. For instance, opera. I had never even heard opera until the famous "kill da wabbit" routine and the literal adaptation of the "Barber of Seville". Thanks, Bugs. Then there's the literary stuff. Chuck Jones, my cartooning hero, made a couple of really cool adaptations of books & short stories into cartoons. He was the one that did The Phantom Tollbooth and also Rudyard Kipling's Riki Tiki Tavi. Cartoons about books made me want to read the books...which I often did. I also need to give Disney props for making movies that got me into history and legend. The Sword in the Stone is by far my favorite Disney movie...and probably cartoon...of all time. The story of an awkward orphan who becomes a king because he was always destined to be. As a teenager...I loved it. I went out and bought The Once and Future King the minute that I found out that's what it was based on. It's still one of my favorite stories ever. Also...I am fairly certain I understand what irony is because of Wile E. Coyote. SIDE NOTE: Isn't it awesome how youtube has all this stuff?

4. Buffalo Wings

Do I really need to explain that? Wait for it...

...there. Now I'm hungry.

3. Reading Books

Especially good ones. Reading is something that I never really thought I enjoyed any more than the average person...until I got beaten up in the 5th grade for reading something that was not assigned for class in addition to my already present dorkdom and unpopularity(true story).

Lifestyle choice.

However sad and depressing that sounds, it gave me the realization that I did, in fact, like to read. I think it starts with the books themselves. I often find myself in bookstores just kind of wandering around. The smell is the best part...and then I like the feel of pages being flipped through my fingers. Of course, the stuff inside isn't so bad either. What's that? You want to know which books changed my life? Sure, I'd be happy to share that with you.

1. My Name is Asher Lev - Chaim Potok

2. All the Pretty Horses - Cormac McCarthy

3. The Sun Also Rises -Ernest Hemmingway

4. Dead Certainties -Simon Schama

5. Gun, With Occasional Music - Jonathan Lethem

6. Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger (I mean what teenager wasn't changed by that book?)

7. Hatchet - Gary Paulsen

8. Redwall - Brian Jacques

9. Hamlet -William Shakespeare

10. Inferno - Dante Alighieri

I guess the last two are technically a play and poem respectively, but still. Books. YESSSSSS.

2. History (sorry, Clint...had to)

History is amazing. The reason it is amazing is because it is the record of what people can do. Great and terrible. Heroic and villainous. That is earth-shattering to me. Every time I learn something new about the amazing or horrifying things that people do my mind is blown. Now, this is the only way that history works for me. I think that it's the way it should be presented as well. I'm not a fan of those Civil War guys that only know about the "westward flanking move" that "lost the battle of who-gives-rats'-ass". But the story of the freed slaves of the USCT that earned the respect of their white officers and fellow soldiers through sheer bravery and fortitude at the Battle of Nashville...that, my friend, is totally worth hearing! I think that's why things like "Band of Brothers", "Rome", and "The Tudors" have become so popular. It makes history very personal. I think that's important. The thing that makes us who we are is entirely made up of where we've been. This also directs our future, but doesn't predict it. I absolutely hate it when people say that history repeats itself. Ugh. I heard a Kurt Vonnegut quote the other day that I liked: "History is merely a list of surprises. It can only prepare us to be surprised yet again." Because of the nature of people, we can never repeat the past...we change, society changes...we can do similar things...but the challenges that face us are different. To say that history repeats itself removes the special circumstances surrounding each event. It demeans the event to the point where it's only a date in a history book that can be referenced later for misuse in government policy (i.e. Vietnam on Iraq/Afghanistan)...but I digress...

1. PBS's Educational Programming

I'm fairly certain that PBS is responsible for the fact that I am not a complete moron. From the moment I began watching "Sesame Street" I was being bombarded with words, nouns, numbers, and everything that Preschool was supposed to teach me...but years before I got there. I learned about sweaters and break dancing (yes, break dancing) from Mr. Rogers. I just loved it. And as I got older I started watching things like "Bill Nye: The Science Guy" because science does, in fact, rule. So I guess that's the reason why I love that stuff so much...I mean it was TV that was smart and made you smarter. Why can't TV be like that anymore?

So that's that...enjoy this incredibly long and sentimental list of things that do not suck.

PS-Free buffalo wings on your birthday? That doesn't suck either.

Thing that Suck: After Hours Edition

Good afternoon Tyler,

As you should be fully aware, it's Tuesday. I typically post my things that suck list on Mondays. Well that didn't happen yesterday because of one of my featured thing that sucks... So let's get to the list:


School - Sure, school is good and all that... but it's times like these that I think school just plain sucks. I'm not going to go into detail of all the shit I have to do because I know some wiseass out there will try to one-up me and then they'll make my things that suck list. Actually, let's just take care of that right now.


People who try to one-up me - 'Nuff said.


Bill O'Reilly - I love that when I have hit writer's block for this blog post, I just think of Fox Noise and immediately have someone to add to the list. Bill O'Reilly, you suck. I wouldn't care as much about you if you didn't always claim to be a journalist. You're not a journalist... You're the reason regular people hate journalists.


Blowing Out a Tire - I can testify that this indeed sucks. On my way back to Missouri last week, the tread on my back right tire completely shred off. Luckily this happened at an exit with a Walmart (Walmart is spared from my list because of this) so changing the tire wasn't too much of a hassle. However, I had to get both back tires changed which cost a pretty penny. Actually it cost a lot of pretty pennies. Several thousand in fact.

So that's my list for this week, sorry it's late... And sorry this list actually kind of sucks.

Things That Do Not Suck

Good morning, Clint.

It is my great pleasure to announce my new feature "Things That Do Not Suck" in response to your feature, "Things That Suck". Let's dive right in!

Hank and John Green. Also known as the Vlogbrothers. Famous for their Brotherhood 2.0 vlog series where they decided that they would not communicate with any kind of text for an entire year. Which is kinda cool to watch. Even after they stopped the experiment, they continued to make videos with and for each other. My favorite, of course, involves Star Wars. They actually kind of inspired this whole "let's write a blog with each other thing". Hank writes a blog about environmental issues called Ecogeek and John writes young adult literature that Amber absolutely adores (it really is actually amazing and you should read it). If you are looking for something to read, I recommend "An Abundance of Katherines".

Go. There. Now. I have and do frequently spend most of my time reading the articles that they have posted. There are ones that are fairly normal sounding...like "6 Famous Unsolved Mysteries", but they also have really ridiculous ones like "5 Reasons You Secretly Want A Zombie Apocalypse". My favorites are obviously the historical lists like the most badass presidents in history. They also do Photoshop pictures that are hilarious. Like this...

/div>

Very entertaining. And last, but not least. The Titans.

The game on Sunday solidified an absurd streak that began immediately after Vince Young took over as quarterback. Coincidence? Perhaps. But more likely, the guys just play harder for him. At least I think so. I mean look at this game...the drive that you want to see (you know, the one that won the game) starts at 1:40 on the video. Unbelievable. How does a team with a record that bad play so well? They play for Vince. That's just it.

This concludes my things that do not suck list.

...one more thing that doesn't suck? You, Clint. You don't suck.