A Conversation at the Pearly Gates

Good afternoon Tyler,

Since we are facebook friends, you probably see my (almost) daily video posts. Typically, I peruse the internets searching for great live performances by either musicians I've been listening to or musicians I believe everyone needs to hear. Today, I posted a live performance by Bob Dylan. Yes, a classic live rendition by ol' Jack Frost of his timeless Like a Rolling Stone, performed in front of an angry mob booing him the whole way through. Watching the video got me thinking: would I have booed Dylan? Would I have been the one casting the stone? Would I have denied my Dylan three times before the rooster crowed? It's easy to look back on history and say, "No, I would never have booed Dylan. He was redefining our world!" But what about those people who did boo him and never got the chance to look back? Thus, I've imagined a conversation with Saint Peter and this unfortunate individual at the Pearly Gates.

ST PETER: Name?
UNFORTUNATE INDIVIDUAL: Um, Johnson. Marvin Johnson.
ST PETER: Alright Marvin, looks like you died of a MASSIVE coronary... Shoulda laid off that red meat my friend, but you probably didn't know about that. Yeah, that's still like two decades away.
MARVIN JOHNSON: So... Can I go in?
ST PETER: Well, first I have to go through some routine questions. Standard procedure really. So... love Jesus?
MARVIN JOHNSON: Yessir.
ST PETER: Went to church on Sundays and Wednesday nights?
MARVIN JOHNSON: Yessir.
ST PETER: Good, good. Reported any suspicious, Communist activity in your community?
MARVIN JOHNSON: No sir, I'm a Socialist.
ST PETER: Oh good! So is everyone else up here. Let's see... Oh yeah, did you read the Bible everyday?
MARVIN JOHNSON: Yessir, every mornin'.
ST PETER: Well Marvin, it looks like you passed with flying colors and you can head right in. Oh and don't freak out when you don't see "White" and "Colored" bathrooms... That's actually normal.
[Marvin starts walking towards the opening Pearly Gates]
ST PETER: Oh one last thing! Did you boo Dylan?
[Silence]
ST PETER: Exit is to your left and way. way. down. Get the heaven out.

WTWTA, Hipsters, and Twentysomethings...

Good morning, Clint.

So...let's begin with WTWTA. Firstly, I remember reading the book...but it was so damn long ago that there's no way I can remember the whole story. I remember liking the story and enjoying the pictures the most(what? don't give me that look...). But honestly, I don't really know how I feel about making classic books into movies...it's complicated. Either way, I think that I share you general "meh" about the film. But it does at the very least look cool...maybe too cool...more on that later. And yet your feelings on this movie seem to have nothing to do with this movie...and everything to do with the way it is being promoted and who it is being received best by. So let's look at that...

Just FYI...I'm about to ruin your day.

Yes, that's right. It's a "Max suit"...that costs $610. But don't worry, there's an entire line...I linked it above. ::heavy sigh:: My issues with this movie as it comes out are not so much related to my lack of attachment to the book or our mutual feeling of disgust toward hipsters...but a much broader feeling on the entertainment of twentysomethings.

Now, if you were to look at the popular movies with people our age recently, it's all about the stuff we liked as kids. Transformers. GI Joe. Hell, the Star Wars remakes! I'm just as guilty as all the other folks my age. I mean I heard a rumor that John Woo was going to direct a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and had to change my pants I was so excited. (I mean how would that be lame. Not. Possible.) I guess I understand it. We always get excited when something we loved in childhood or adolescence is going to be remade because you always wonder what it would be like if, say, Red Dawn (which is being remade, by the way) was made now. People will always go to those movies because they feel like they KNOW them. They think it will be a safe bet with their $15 movie ticket. And movie studios will always make them because they know it's a sure thing with moviegoers. I mean, Wes Anderson (Grand Vizier to the Hipster King, himself) is making a movie of Roald Dahl's The Fantastic Mr. Fox. I guess that I think the issue stems from the fact that people aren't willing to go out and see a "new" movie. There's no way to know if it's going to be good. I mean how else do you explain the online movie buzz community? You almost have to ruin the plot of a movie just to get people to be convinced that it's worth seeing! They have even started showing parts of the damn movies to sell them. That is almost 6 MINUTES OF THE MOVIE!!! Granted it's 2012, but I mean WOW.

As far as WTWTA is concerned, it's the same issue. I'm sure that Spike Jonze has always loved the book. Which he should. It's a great book. And he is a filmmaker...so yeah man. Make that movie. And I hope lots of people go, because entertainment is the whole effing point. But I would encourage him to do something new.

Miscellaneous notes:

-Aimee's point is so good that I need to quote it...

"Watch out Clint, the only thing more hipster (aka "WHITE") than going and supporting a hipster-based film, Is refusing to based on moral principals."

Touche ma'am. Touche.

-David Bowie is the Hipster King...obvi.

Where the Hipster Things Are

Good evening Tyler,

With the premiere of the new Spike Jonze film Where the Wild Things Are just hours away, I feel it only appropriate to express my feelings for the film. I don't care.

I never read the book as a child (gasps! oh the horror!) and don't really intend to read it now... Not that I'm better than it, but it's just... Not on my list. Since I never read the book, my desire to see the film is nowhere near as strong as the 20-somethings who did, and are now orgasming via twitter after every commercial.

Now, I am a film buff. I do love quality films, and this one does look like it was very well made. The problem I have with it? Hipsters. Now I may be a liberal, Barack-Obama-voting bastard, but one thing I do not like... is hipsters. I can tolerate them and I am friends with several, but holy shit, if this film gets any more hipster I'm going to start listening to Toby Keith just to even the playing field! Here's my reasoning:

-Every trailer has hipster music playing in the background (Arcade Fire, Karen O)
-The soundtrack? HIPSTERS!
-The plot? A child who can't connect with his parents explores the inner-depths of his mind and makes up funny/cute/cuddly/lovable monsters who are reflections of his own personality. Holy hipster Batman.
-The movie is just layered with hipsterness... And I won't stand for it!

Now, don't get me wrong, "hipster" is not always a bad term. Like I said, I am friends with hipsters and love them. But when you have 5 or more hipsters in one room, it's bad news bears. There are too many hipsters around if there are discussions of:
-Anything involving Nick Cave, Elliot Smith, or Built to Spill
-A "vintage tee" someone is wearing
-What kind of clove cigarettes one prefers
-Where the party host "keeps their vinyl"
-If the bar serves Pabst Blue Ribbon

The list goes on, but those are the most obvious and dangerous signs of hipsters afoot. So I caution you, oh WTWTA enthusiast to tread lightly as you view the film. Watch out for the hipsters who will undoubtedly flood every theater (or "cinema" as they may call them). If you are surrounded by 4 or more hipsters, make sure you keep your talk of firearms, ESPN and red meat to a dull roar... You don't want to anger the feeble-armed mob.

Photograph provided by Hipster or Gay.

Spellingista!

Good morning, Clint.

You can always tell when I'm at work because I use correct capitalization and punctuation. Which brings me to this morning's thought.

During the course of creating the blog yesterday, I spell "mustachioed" several different ways before I discovered the correct spelling. I always thought that it was spelled "moustachioed" but that apparently would only be the case if Mickey had a mustache a la Snidely Whiplash.

...which would be awesome.

I bring this up, because I'm always upset to discover words that I can't spell. You see, I kind of pride myself on spelling very well. I can almost always spell a word just by hearing it and sound out a word that I see. Take your last name, for instance. It's very easy to both spell and sound out. Yet people can't seem to do it for the life of them. I actually impressed your sister when I first met her (that was, by the way, the last time that happened) by pronouncing your family name correctly. My kids (and let me just clear this up now that when I say kids, I mean students) are impressed by this as well. Ah the glories of whiteboard fame...anyway, I was just pondering my spelling skillz. Yes, I meant to do that.

SIDE TRACK! - Oo! Can we have a standing rule that any time one of us uses skills we have to spell it with a z? I mean, think about it...

Last thought for the morning before I stop procrastinating and go do some actual work...the new Avett Brothers album is very pleasant. I can't say I think they're an incredible band...because I don't think that. However, I do think it's a fun band. And Rick Rubin produced this record, which really only means he granted his beard magic to hip, formerly indie banjo music. So check it out...if you feel like it. <----Most passive recommendation EVER.

We need a sign off...

The -ista Debate Rages On

Good evening Tyler,

It's interesting you should bring this up because I am a recovering "-ista" myself. Yes, I was once a slave to the man and his coffee addiction: I am a recovering Barista. This technically makes me an expert of the "bar", and I rocked. that. coffee. bar. Personally, I have no problem with the "-ista" suffix. I think it clarifies just how well-versed a person is in there specific field. Examples:

Person1: Just how good is this pilot?
Person2: Oh he's the best, he's an airplaneista.
Person1: Hm, I'll trust him with my life.

Person3: Now how good is the president at this whole running the country thing?
Person4: Oh he's the best, he's a presidentista.
Person3: Shame we didn't have one for the past 8 years...

See? It's a beautiful grammatical system that makes it clear to every man, woman and child just how qualified someone is to their title.

zombista...zombie-ista?

hey.
good afternoon, clint.
i hope you're having a pleasant sunday. especially considering i'm getting wailed on in fantasy football. anyway, i'd like to welcome you to tom selleck's moustache... as gross as that sounds. so here's my thought for the day.

so, i have been annoyed recently with the adding on of "-ista" to the end of everything (i.e. fashionista, footwearista, anythingtodowithlifetime-ista...etc.).


now, using my keen abilities of observation (and trust me, they are keen...), i have found that this means that you are someone who is into/obsessed with whatever comes before the "-ista". what is this magical suffix? when did i miss this magical grammatical rule?

there are a couple of things that bother me about this new colloquialism. mostly that it exists. but if it must exist then why does it not include ALL interests. it would seem that all "istas" are women concerned with their particular demographics. why not us? think of the possibilities!

a journalista.


a chucknorrista.


i mean...just think about it.