Monday, May 10, 2010

in which i talk about television...part one...

Good evening, Clint.

As you will be winging your way home somewhere over that ridiculous volcano that's destroying commerce all over western Europe (I'm of course referring to Greece) I thought I would remind you why you miss the United States. I am not talking about our rights and privileges as citizens or our delightful melting pot of a cultural identity. I am talking about, you guessed it, television. As you are probably aware, my sister graduated from college this weekend. This meant that my entire family was together for the first time since my brother's wedding and as you are probably also aware, we speak almost entirely in references to movies. This time, however, I found myself in the midst of a conversation about the best television episodes ever...and couldn't really think of all of them on the spot. So now that I have had some time to reflect, I thought it would be a good idea to make my next list about my favorite episodes of TV. Ever.

Pictured: Greek economy.

I should probably also give a brief disclaimer about the two kinds of TV that I watch. I like really epic shows. Intense, involved themes...characters that engage in the kind of badassery that makes Rambo look like a kitten...and story arcs that make me forget to study for college finals (thanks a lot, Hub). This usually means that Joss Whedon is involved. Hear me out...you might actually like some of this. I also really love cheesy, yet hilarious comedy. The kind of stuff that makes milk come out of your nose, but other people think is stupid. So we'll discuss both...this is a two parter. First: EPIC TV!!!

4. Firefly - "Out of Gas"
Firefly was one on a very long list of shows that Fox crapped all over. They didn't show the episodes in order...which just kind of boggles my mind...but this of course led to everyone wondering who the hell these people are and why they're doing what they're doing...and then they stopped watching. Fox complained about low ratings and then cancelled the show. As I said, this happened to a LOT of Fox shows. This list actually includes Family Guy too. So don't think I'm just a fanboy...Fox has no idea what it has...

...much like NBC.

The show is basically a space western, and I'm sure that you're familiar with it. I don't know if you're a big sci-fi fan...you seem to be a little more into the Sopranos-esque stuff...but this show has everything, even up to the point that the physics in space are...moderately realistic. If you want to get a really good feel for the show just watch the first episode. (Thanks, Hulu!) Anyway, getting to the real meat and potatoes here, this particular episode serves a very important function. We find out about a lot of the characters and why they are on board the ship. We also find out what kind of person the enigmatic captain is. One of the beautiful things about Firefly is that the captain is this kind of Robin Hood figure...a criminal/smuggler/thief who has a heart of gold. Cliché, I know. However, Malcolm Reynolds (the captain) is not that character. He never goes all the way good or all the way bad. So you are kind of lost on your traditional view of the "good" bad guy. This episode also does something that I think is really awesome. If you watch the very first episode, the ship's mechanic mentions a part on the ship that is broken in passing, and you don't even notice it at first...and then WHAM it's the thing that causes this to happen 7 episodes later. I love it when things that happen in TV shows have actual consequences later on. I think a lot of action TV shows are like cartoons. You know what I mean...it's like the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote cartoons...oh, you just get crushed by a boulder several times and get up and are totally fine in the next scene? Yes you are.
SIDEBAR: How tall are those mountains anyway...he was falling for literally a mile...
These consequences make the show seem believable despite being completely and utterly fantastical and technologically impossible. That said...watch the episode that I found on the dubbadubbadubbaubeeeeeeee...


3. Kings - "Goliath"
If there is one thing that every show on this list has in common it's got to be a really good idea that was executed really well. This particular show is my exhibit "A". I'm sure that you have at least heard about this show as it was pretty critically acclaimed...although that usually means that nobody watched it. Which...in this case...is...pretty much the case. But the idea for the whole show was the Biblical story of David and his journey to become king. They took the story though and set it in a modern American kind of place. The thing that really makes the show is the attention to detail and the environment that is set up for the show...that...and Ian McShane as King Saul. I think that this show could have been really horrible...I mean trying to resurrect an old story can totally bomb if not done properly...

...it occurs to me that this is entirely too obscure...so if you get it, gold star.

I really like the idea of this whole show because it is updated and all that, but the core of the story is still there. You can still see the struggle of a young man trying to be the best he can be but still falling prey to the indiscretions and passions of youth (he says as a 26 year-old self-proclaimed old man) and the struggles of an old man in power trying to be the best that he can to make his country great, but falling prey to the temptations of this same power. Despite the obvious religious connotations, the show is tasteful and interesting and the first episode immediately hooked me in. So enjoy and thanks Hulu, you beautiful TV showin' website, you.



2. Life - "Pilot"
As I was looking through old episodes of shows that I am or have been totally obsessed with, I stumbled across this one again. Just a second ago I was trying to grab the embedding information for the episode of this show and I started watching for about 5 minutes until I remembered I was also posting. It's that good. Like I was saying about Kings, this show just has a really cool premise. Cop, busted for homicide, given life in prison, then exonerated after 11 years in prison and goes back to work! How could you be a cop after all that? Anyway, there's a lot about this show that I like. And one of them is definitely NOT how hot Sarah Shahi is...no sir...
SIDEBAR: She may or may not have been a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader...
All that aside, I personally think that Damien Lewis is a fantastic actor. He's British, but there's no hint of an accent when he does his American roles. You may remember him as Maj. Dick Winters from Band of Brothers which as you know, makes me cry like a little girl who has just lost her dolly every time I watch it.

There are only badasses in this picture.

But this show has just the right combination of the buddy cop comedy, action, and mystery that makes for a show I couldn't stop watching and probably won't. One of the greatest things about this show is this bad guy who comes in early and becomes a problem later. Like with Firefly, something that you think is going to be a one episode kinda thing, turns out to have real consequences later. Fortunately for all of us, the entire series (2 seasons) is on Hulu...so to quote Beck, "please enjoy. Hell yes." ...and less appropriately "got 2 turntables and a microphone..."



1. Deadwood - "Sold Under Sin"
Alas, there is no video for this one. However, if you want to watch it, I happen to have this season on DVD, which I recommend we watch whilst sipping some kind of whiskey. Amazingly, Deadwood is the only HBO series I have on here. I considered putting an episode from Rome up, but I think a selection of the different kinds of TV would be more suited. Also, I don't know if it's right to submit our reader (we have one right?) to the full brunt of my historical nerddom. So Deadwood is a western that takes place in Deadwood, which is in . This place is just ripe for a show because of the ridiculousness that takes place there. The time period itself is dramatic enough...post Civil War, expansionist America. The show picks up a week or so after Custer's last stand and as you may or may not be aware, the town of Deadwood was actually in indian territory OUTSIDE of the United States in the late 1800s. It's also the perfect time because some of the more notorious characters of the west show up in Deadwood at that time: Calamity Jane and Wild Bill Hickok to name a few. But getting back to the actual show, the thing that I like about it is this kind of interplay between two main characters: Seth Bullock (Timothy Olyphant) a retired Montana Marshal who just wants to settle down and start up a mercantile with his partner Sol and Al Swearengen (Ian McShane) the local saloon and house of ill repute owner and operator who is prone to cursing the existence of the local Sioux population. The show alternates the point of view between all the main characters, but all the important episodes hinge on the point of view of either Bullock or Swearengen and the last episode of the first season is from both of their perspectives and it is the best. The writers spent basically the entire season setting up the characters and conflict, and the tension between the characters comes to a head at the end of this episode. Clint, we're going to watch this if you haven't already. I have whiskey. Come over.

The mustaches in this show are just...beautiful.

I love these shows. And tomorrow, we will discuss the other shows that I love. The funny ones. Until then...be cool, kid, be cool.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Things that Suck

Good afternoon Tyler,

I'll be back in the States in 7 days and I'm not going to lie to you: I'm scared. Not of flying or the Double Down, but of America. What the balls is going on over there?! Floods, oil spills, Arizona hates everyone, Justin Bieber, car bombs (what are you Belfast?), Keystone Lite. I literally don't know where to stop!

This week's list of things that suck isn't entirely about America though... I just wanted to let you know the reason why I'll be shaking uncontrollably and screaming at the traffic driving on the right side. I'm scared Tyler. I'm scared. In the meantime, here's a list of things that suck:


Those people on Facebook that comment on fan page posts - Obviously I don't mean our fans on Facebook, I love them and can't get enough of them (Seriously, invite more of your friends). I'm talking about the people that comment on the iTunes posts or the other big companies/news agencies posts. There are two types: 1) the dude that writes "first" like 2 seconds after the post has been made, and 2) the person that tries to actually comment on the subject as if they will become friends with Ryan Adams. Both of these kinds of people suck. Big time. Who the hell cares that you were the first to comment on a wall post? Seriously, how depressed and friendless do you have to be to sit around and write "first"? And the other person that leaves actual comments is just as sad and friendless.


People that misspell "ridiculous" - It's not REdiculous, it's RIdiculous. You can't repeat diculous. You can't go back and diculous again. Learn to write you morons.*


TeaPartyers who get offended at the term "teabaggers" - I read that the Tea Party Confederacy - I mean Nation - are asking that Obama apologize for calling them "teabaggers" in an interview last year. As long as that gaggle of angry white people are marching on Washington and calling everyone a Communist and shouting racial slurs at black senators, I'll stick with "teabagger".


Governor Jan Brewer - The Arizona governor that just signed Jim Crowe 2.0 into law in her state. I don't care what side of the aisle you're on, I don't care what skin color you are, I don't care how broken the immigration system is: racism is not the answer. And this law is stitched together with racism. It's not a solution, it is another problem added to the list.


Eyjafjallajokull - I didn't just sneeze on my keyboard. I'm talking about the Icelandic volcano that has been spewing ash for the past few weeks. It's still causing problems here in Ireland and Scotland. I'm gonna be uber-pissed if my flight gets canceled because of a damn volcano 800 miles away.


Canadians - Let's face it, they're just piggybacking on the coolest big brother in the world.

*I realize that the picture for "ridiculous" is a bit random, but I couldn't find any pictures related to the Harry Potter spell "ridikulus"... So I found that lolcat.